oh yeah... *nod nod nod*
and too bad, i enjoy it. =P
hmm... dalam pertemanan ini, rasanya sulit sekali untuk bisa mengerti pola pikirnya, apalagi dengan jurang perbedaan yang ada. kita tumbuh di komunitas yang berbeda, penanaman dasar-dasar hidup yang berbeda, cara pandang yang berbeda, dan terlebih lagi budaya yang amat sangat jauh berbeda. seringkali terjadi tumbukan pada akhirnya. dan hal ini cukup melelahkan.
humph.... aku sedikit takut... apakah ini akan menyesakkan dadaku lagi?
aku sudah berusaha untuk bisa memahami sudut pandang dan pola pikirnya, tapi tampaknya belum cukup memuaskan nya. misalnya saja, suatu hal yang kuanggap normal, dipandang tidak normal baginya. sedangkan hal-hal lain yang kuanggap tabu untuk dibicarakan, dia menganggap wajar-wajar saja. sebenarnya aku sudah berusaha untuk mengerti dan mengikuti alur bicaranya, tapi karena aku tidak terbiasa dengan percakapan semacam itu, respon yang kuberikan jadi kurang memuaskan atau kurang membuat dirinya senang. geeee, entahlah. semua ini adalah sebuah hal baru bagiku. aku masih belum terbiasa dan berusaha meraba-raba alurnya. *sigh*
semoga aku tidak terlalu lelah untuk mencoba mengerti dirimu.
i wish it didn't hurt.
i wish it didn't matter.
i wish i was always strong.
i wish i didn't care.
i wish i was healthy.
i wish i was happy.
i wish i was really fine.
i wish i had money.
i wish i could hug you.
i wish i could hold your hands.
i wish i could whisper in your ear.
i wish i could sleep.
i wish i could just enjoy food.
i wish i enjoyed my life.
i wish you were here.
i wish i was different.
i wish i lived somewhere else.
i wish i didn't exist.
hey... selamat malam planet kecilku... =) it's been a while, ya? aku terlalu banyak bicara dengan orang di luar sana dan mengabaikanmu. *waves* do you miss me? =) jadi, mari kita bicara tentang hari ini. atau, setidaknya akhir-akhir ini. will you?
hidupku sedikit berubah. uhm, atau mungkin banyak? hehe... entahlah. ada banyak perspektif baru di kepalaku. mengubah caraku dalam melihat dunia. atau lebih tepatnya, hidup. i feel alive again. menakjubkan bukan? ^__^ ditengah hiruk pikuknya hari, aku merasakan sedikit kehidupan, yang mungkin sudah sekian lama menghilang. jadi, mari tersenyum bersamaku. kamu tau aku akan selalu membagi ini denganmu. =)
aku rindu Malang.
rindu suasana malamnya. rindu jalanannya yang hidup namun tidak menyesakkan. rindu aroma kotanya. rindu dinginnya hujan disana. rindu dengan bunga matahari di sudut mejaku. rindu kamar yang penuh dengan warna-warna yang paling kusukai, kuning dan orange. those colors made me warm and happy. walaupun aku tau, ada saat-saat dimana aku menangis tersedu-sedu di dalamnya. tapi kamar itu sangat kokoh dan nyaman melindungiku selama 5 tahun. seperti sebuah tempurung kecil bagi para kura-kura kecil. dan kita bisa menyebutnya: home. =)
geeezzzz..... i miss having a "home". atau setidaknya, feeling at home in my own place.
aku harus pindah secepatnya dari kota ini. dan menemukan kembali kebahagiaan itu...
ini benar-benar gila. bagaimana bisa perempuan itu memiliki kendali atas ketua program? dan ketua program studi ini mau menurutinya? geeee... sulit dipercaya perempuan itu terpilih jadi pembimbing ku. sumpah, ini benar-benar malapetaka. i can't believe she could change the rule. and there will be 3 exams just for this frickin dissertation? humph. mari berhitung... jadi aku akan dihadapkan pada... 2 + 5 + 5 = 12, omg, totalnya 12 penguji yang harus kuhadapi sepanjang perjalanan ini! gezzzzzzzz.... dan kenapa pula harus marah-marah pada kami? sudah jelas ini bukan kesalahan kami. kami harus menunggu berbulan-bulan untuk mendapatkan pembimbing, tanpa arahan yang jelas, dan diminta untuk menyelesaikan semua ini dalam waktu kurang dari 2 bulan? just fix your shitty system, tanpa harus mengorbankan kami, yang hanya dijadikan kelinci percobaan sejak pertama kali program ini dibuka. perempuan ini benar-benar minta didemo lagi....
ya tuhanku, tukar advisor donggg, pleaseeeeeeeeee...
>_<
have you ever wondered about the things we tell ourselves before we fall asleep? we whisper the words in the dark, telling ourselves that we’re happy, or that he’s happy, that people will change their minds. we persuade ourselves that we can live without the people who have left. each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves in a desperate hope that come morning, it will all be true.
nod. this is the right path. =)
*throw brick wall*
you know what? i'm glad we are working on it. =)
we are just silly cows.
nod nod nod. =D
the heart is forever inexperienced.
at least we will have something stupid to remember someday. and laugh at it together. =)
look, i'm trying to write good thing here. just like you said. now you know how much you affect my life in every little way and make it better.
does it work? gimme five then! ^__^
Love is being stupid together. -Paul Veléry-
this time, you are wrong. i'm not that strong. you don't even know it...
all i have to do is show you my back. so you don't have to see me crying.
i lub you...
and you don't know how much i do...
We have known each other for ages. you know i always stand by you at your worst. How could you say those things to me?
Does time really change us or are we changing with time?
do you really want me to get out of your life because of this?
do you really mean it?
*sigh*
i hope you were just drunk.
Cinta Ini Membunuhku.
(D'Masiv)
kau membuat ku berantakan
kau membuat ku tak karuan
kau membuat ku tak berdaya
kau menolakku, acuhkan diriku
bagaimana caranya untuk
meruntuhkan kerasnya hatimu
ku sadari ku tak sempurna
ku tak seperti yang kau inginkan
reff:
kau hancurkan aku dengan sikapmu
tak sadarkah kau telah menyakitiku
lelah hati ini, meyakinkanmu
cinta ini membunuhku
evenworstxxx: BUZZ!
(30 minutes later)
riezt_world: uh. *smirk*
riezt_world: sorry, just woke up
evenworstxxx: oo sleepyhead!
riezt_world: *pout* whatever *yawn*
evenworstxxx: seriously
evenworstxxx: we likely will meet each other again this year.
riezt_world: good... *yawn*
riezt_world: what's up...
evenworstxxx: *LOL*
riezt_world: <<<<< i'm still sleepy you know... =_=
evenworstxxx: be there or i'm gonna rape you hardly
riezt_world: oo yeah... funny. =_=
evenworstxxx: i mean be here
riezt_world: huh?
riezt_world: wait... "here"?
evenworstxxx: uh hummm
riezt_world: ....
riezt_world: shuddup. wtf.
evenworstxxx: don't forget to sing me a song on that day.
riezt_world: ??
riezt_world: ....................
riezt_world: 0__o ohhh fuggggggggggggggggggggg
evenworstxxx: *LOL*
riezt_world: fuggggggggggggggggggggg
evenworstxxx: wish me luck, mate
riezt_world: fuggggggggggggggggggggg
evenworstxxx: sorry, i'm first in life...
riezt_world: fuggggggggggggggggggggg
evenworstxxx: *angel smile*
riezt_world: just tell me what the hell is going on!
evenworstxxx: i'm gonna get married
riezt_world: who. 0_o
evenworstxxx: me
riezt_world: fugg. i was right then....
evenworstxxx: : hehehe...
riezt_world: ....
riezt_world: who's the bride?
evenworstxxx: hmmph
riezt_world: spill it out
evenworstxxx: my old schoolmate
riezt_world: how could you never told me about her =(
evenworstxxx: we were on the same year back then in my highschool
evenworstxxx: you are the first one whom i told about this, stupid
riezt_world: oh....
riezt_world: ....
riezt_world: but, i mean... you two haven't chosen the marriage date, right?
evenworstxxx: i've chosen it.
evenworstxxx: heeeeee..... *smirk*
riezt_world: ??
riezt_world: gosh... and.... when?
riezt_world: wait... is she pregnant or something? *raise eyebrow*
evenworstxxx: no gawd damned!
evenworstxxx: guess the date, mate
riezt_world: no more riddle. just tell me. LOL.
riezt_world: uh crap. you're gonna leave me alone. =(
evenworstxxx: just guess it. i'll give you 2 chances.
evenworstxxx: come on
evenworstxxx: guess my marriage month....
riezt_world: uh...
riezt_world: *shrug* uh, "my month", august? LOL.
riezt_world: just kidding.
evenworstxxx: hmmm
evenworstxxx: you're right mate
evenworstxxx: =P
riezt_world: huh?? 0_o
evenworstxxx: now... guess THE SPECIFIC DATEEEEEEE...
riezt_world: LOL. i don't knooow... it can't be on my birthday, right. LOL. =P
evenworstxxx: *HUG*
evenworstxxx: hehehe
evenworstxxx: hehehehe
evenworstxxx: hehehehehe
riezt_world: what
evenworstxxx: hehehehehehe
riezt_world: WTH with that "hehehe" silly
evenworstxxx: hehehe. you don't mind i "borrow" your birthday, eh?
riezt_world: uh?
evenworstxxx: *HUG*
riezt_world: on agustus 12??
riezt_world: agustus 12??
evenworstxxx: uwwww... now u know i love u so much
evenworstxxx: =)
riezt_world: *gasp* it's... just... impossible...
evenworstxxx: be here, my mate...
riezt_world: omg. are you serious? *teary eyes*
evenworstxxx: =)
riezt_world: goshhh... i am crying now... T__T
evenworstxxx: sing me something beautiful on that day, will you?
evenworstxxx: something beautiful... just like us...
evenworstxxx: *HUG*
riezt_world: T________T gosh.........
evenworstxxx: *HUG*
evenworstxxx: ssshhhh... *rubs*
evenworstxxx: you're shameful... =)
evenworstxxx: don't cry... =)
riezt_world: *sobbing* whatever
riezt_world: u didn't joke around? *sobbing*
riezt_world: T_____T
riezt_world: ='(
evenworstxxx: mate, why...
riezt_world: nothing...
riezt_world: it's mixed inside... ='(
evenworstxxx: you don't like it?
riezt_world: no. it's not like that...
riezt_world: you know...
riezt_world: it's just... *sigh*
riezt_world: i'm gonna miss u... *cries*
evenworstxxx: *HUG*
evenworstxxx: mee too...
riezt_world: you'll leave me...
evenworstxxx: nooo...
evenworstxxx: its not im gonna be dead or something
riezt_world: lol... i cant see the keyboard clearly
evenworstxxx: i'll be around, mate...
riezt_world: i'm glad to see you're happy... you should have known that...
riezt_world: i really am
riezt_world: *HUG*
riezt_world: it's just... *sigh*
evenworstxxx: *HUG*
evenworstxxx: i know...
evenworstxxx: i know mate... =)
riezt_world: =(
evenworstxxx: =)
evenworstxxx: ........... =)
riezt_world: look how different our emoticon...
riezt_world: lol.... =(
evenworstxxx: ....
evenworstxxx: i'm tired, mate...
evenworstxxx: you know.... it's....
riezt_world: <<< silly
riezt_world: i know...
riezt_world: it's your time, De...
evenworstxxx: i'm not that young anymore to fall awake by myself...
riezt_world: i know... =)
riezt_world: just a bit shock ok..... but i'm fine =)
riezt_world: come gimme a hug... ^__^
evenworstxxx: ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((BIGGGGGGGGG HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG)))))))))))))))))))))))
riezt_world: ^__^
riezt_world: how's the preparation, De?
evenworstxxx: mate, it will be just a small party
riezt_world: who has chosen the date?
evenworstxxx: ME
riezt_world: *hug* i love you mate
riezt_world: =')
evenworstxxx: i know =)
evenworstxxx: i know =)
evenworstxxx: i know =)
evenworstxxx: and i know your eyes are teary now.....
riezt_world: that really touched me...
riezt_world: =')
evenworstxxx: =)
evenworstxxx: hmmm
evenworstxxx: let me tell you something... so you can laugh...
riezt_world: uh?
riezt_world: what is it?
evenworstxxx: well.... she's not pretty...
riezt_world: ??
riezt_world: do you still think pretty face is important?
evenworstxxx: but she's nice...
riezt_world: good.
evenworstxxx: and....
evenworstxxx: she's SUPEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR BLOODYYYYYYYY RICHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
evenworstxxx: hahahahahahahahahahaha
evenworstxxx: hahahahahahahaha
riezt_world: huhhhhh?? 0__o
riezt_world: LOOOOOL
riezt_world: ooo shit
evenworstxxx: hahahaha
riezt_world: u should buy me something expensive! 0__o
evenworstxxx: nooo it's not like what you're thinking!
riezt_world: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
evenworstxxx: hahahahahahaahah
evenworstxxx: i'm not materialistiiiiiic!!
evenworstxxx: hahahahahaha
riezt_world: LOOOOL
evenworstxxx: it's just, she's rich by chance.
evenworstxxx: hahahahahaha
riezt_world: fugg ya faggot
riezt_world: you're kinda smart to choose a bride
riezt_world: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
evenworstxxx: hahahahahahahah
evenworstxxx: destiny is fair
riezt_world: stop laughing
evenworstxxx: after all this time gawd damned
evenworstxxx: hahahahahaa
riezt_world: you'll get jaw cramp
riezt_world: hahahahaha
evenworstxxx: hahahahahahahahahaha
riezt_world: oooooooooo fug
evenworstxxx: so i tell u now
riezt_world: what
evenworstxxx: go and meet god!
evenworstxxx: hahahahahaa
riezt_world: seriously, i'm going to collect the debts. LOOOOOOOOOOL
riezt_world: hahahahhahahahhahahhaa includes the interests.
evenworstxxx: what loan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
evenworstxxx: i didn't borrow your money
evenworstxxx: hahahaahahha
riezt_world: how could u forget all that loan! 0__o
riezt_world: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
evenworstxxx: what loan
riezt_world: fuggggggggggggggg
riezt_world: "mate, may i borrow your money... just 10.000 Rupiahs... bla bla bla..."
evenworstxxx: i already paid it.
evenworstxxx: hahahaahahah
riezt_world: "mate, i really need money to rent a studio...."
evenworstxxx: hahahaahahahahahahahahaahahahah
evenworstxxx: i paid it already, satannnnnnnnnnnn!
evenworstxxx: with my body. =P
riezt_world: WTF!
evenworstxxx: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha
riezt_world: "mate, pleaseeeeee.... now i just need 20.000 Rupiahs.... "
riezt_world: "duhh mate... may i borrow ...bla bla bla... this time..."
evenworstxxx: hahaha dont u ever tell that stroy in front of her
riezt_world: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
evenworstxxx: no gawe damned i never said that hahahahahahaha
riezt_world: u said that silly!
evenworstxxx: no no no nononononoo
riezt_world: tsk! how come you betray me this way! LOOOL
evenworstxxx: ahahhhahaa
riezt_world: *pout*
riezt_world: listen. all you have to is buy me tickets and all accommodation. ok? =D
evenworstxxx: i already paid it with the most lovely classic guitar in the planet!
riezt_world: LMAO! fugg! you gave it to me for free - GRATIS!
evenworstxxx: hehehehehe
evenworstxxx: hahaha
riezt_world: remember it! G.R.A.T.I.S.
evenworstxxx: nothing is free mate
riezt_world: WTH!
evenworstxxx: hahahahaahahahaha
riezt_world: that toyo-yoyo-something guitar, remember?
riezt_world: gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
evenworstxxx: just like they said: money has brothers.
riezt_world: you're bloody mafia!!
evenworstxxx: hahahaahaha
evenworstxxx: ok ok ok huffff
evenworstxxx: enough
riezt_world: LOOOOL
evenworstxxx: hahahaaha
riezt_world: hahahaha
riezt_world: take it! i didn't ask you to tell me whether she's rich or something. LMAO!
riezt_world: i don't have money now. i'm not that rich. so just gimme the tickects and else. LOL!
evenworstxxx: haaaaaahahahahaha
evenworstxxx: hahahaha
riezt_world: i'm fuckin serious
riezt_world: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
evenworstxxx: oke oke gawd damned
evenworstxxx: here is what u gonna get: 1. ONE ticket shuttle... cheap economic class train
riezt_world: =__________________=
evenworstxxx: 2. ONE cheap room in a cheap hotel
riezt_world: =__________________________=
riezt_world: is that the way you love me?
evenworstxxx: hahahahahahaahaaaaaa
evenworstxxx: hahahahahahaahahaaa
evenworstxxx: ok ok st. august!!
evenworstxxx: stop sulking! hahahaha
riezt_world: *giggles*
evenworstxxx:ok, now, seriously...
riezt_world: you're soooo mean to me... =__=
evenworstxxx: LOL. i just teased you. =)
evenworstxxx: you are the best
evenworstxxx: im gonna give you the best =)
riezt_world: awwwwwwwwwwww
riezt_world: thank you *cuddle* =)
evenworstxxx: just don't forget to bring your swimsuit.
riezt_world: haaa??
riezt_world: 0__o
evenworstxxx: you will stay in a hotel with pool
riezt_world: uh? are you gonna set up the party in the pool? 0__o
evenworstxxx: i talked about the hotel you're staying, moron! LOL!
riezt_world: LMAO. =P
riezt_world: damn you idiot, i won't think about swimming on that day.
riezt_world: i must be so sad...
riezt_world: .......
evenworstxxx: hush hush hush
riezt_world: and i'm gonna be alone in your town. i know nowhere in Cirebon.
evenworstxxx: don't worry
evenworstxxx: you can have me for one night. hahahaha. just kidding =P
riezt_world: LOL! can you ummm... send someone hot there
evenworstxxx: ahhhhaaaahahahaha
riezt_world: hahahhahahha
riezt_world: just kittin. =P
evenworstxxx: hahahaahah
evenworstxxx: yo girl. Erwin is hot enough
evenworstxxx: Basuki too
riezt_world: fug
riezt_world: how come you thrust erwin to me. LMAO
evenworstxxx: they are the best motherfucker in the planet. hahahaha.
riezt_world: LOL!
riezt_world: i'm serious. i just need someone who can accompany me in your town.
riezt_world: erwin or someone i've known already... so i won't feel awkward there.
evenworstxxx: umm, there will be Erwin
evenworstxxx: Basuki
evenworstxxx: Asar
evenworstxxx: Hayyah
evenworstxxx: but you better accompanied by Erwin.
riezt_world: really?
evenworstxxx: he can accompany you to the club or somewhere.
riezt_world: WTF
riezt_world: i don't like clubbing!
riezt_world: >__<
riezt_world: i'm still your st. august!
evenworstxxx: hahahahahahahahahaha
evenworstxxx: go to the club and drink a lot! hahaha!
riezt_world: dohh
evenworstxxx: then you will fly...
evenworstxxx: check in to the room with erwin...
riezt_world: ewwwwwwwwwwwww, no way! >__<
evenworstxxx: hahahahahahaha
evenworstxxx: just kidding. =)
evenworstxxx: why so serious? hehehe
riezt_world: do you think erwin can take care of me?
riezt_world: just like you did?
evenworstxxx: yup. =)
evenworstxxx: he's a good boy.
riezt_world: tell him about my principle ok... st. august, holy maria or whatever you usually called me.
evenworstxxx: i will, my mateeeeeeeee... =)
evenworstxxx: hehehe
riezt_world: gawd
riezt_world: *deep breathing*
evenworstxxx: *rubs riris' brow*
evenworstxxx: you grew up well, mate... =)
riezt_world: can we meet each other before your wedding? been a long time... =(
evenworstxxx: we can.
evenworstxxx: we even haven't visited Bali together just like our promise, remember?
riezt_world: =(
riezt_world: i'll loose my bodyguard soon... :(
evenworstxxx: =)
evenworstxxx: i'm not going anywhere
riezt_world: who will kick those sketchy guys' butt if they tease me? =(
evenworstxxx: ..... =P
evenworstxxx: *HUG*
riezt_world: are u happy, De? =)
evenworstxxx: yeah kinda...
riezt_world: :) good
riezt_world: just promise me you're gonna be happy =)
evenworstxxx: yeah maybe
riezt_world: stop being that sort of person X(
evenworstxxx: at least i'm gonna make so many people happy
evenworstxxx: her, them.
riezt_world: i was aking about you.
riezt_world: not them
evenworstxxx: =)
evenworstxxx: i learn something from this all
evenworstxxx: that happiness can be made by making someone else's happy.
riezt_world: indeed
riezt_world: better late than never realize that =)
evenworstxxx: =)
riezt_world: dammit. i remember the day when i tried to apply new job in Cirebon
evenworstxxx: hehehehe
riezt_world: just because i wanted to stay near to you. LOL.
evenworstxxx: yup yup
evenworstxxx: mateeeeeeeee
riezt_world: hum?
evenworstxxx: we need lots of nurses here in cirebon.
evenworstxxx: move here!
riezt_world: lol. every town needs nurses, silly. =P
riezt_world: and i should choose lecturer now.
evenworstxxx: oh, i forgot that. =(
riezt_world: it's ok
evenworstxxx: i only remember your bra cup. XXX.
evenworstxxx: hihihhihhihihihi
riezt_world: you're getting older and got alzheimer LMAO
riezt_world: that XXX is sexayyyy ya know =P
evenworstxxx: heheheehee
evenworstxxx: you are, you areeeee! ;)
evenworstxxx: hun, i GTG for a while
riezt_world: hum.. ok
evenworstxxx: mom need a ride.
riezt_world: text me if there's something new, ok.
riezt_world: i deactivated my FB.
evenworstxxx: ok matey
evenworstxxx: *rubs riris's head*
riezt_world: =)
riezt_world: love ya mate
evenworstxxx: =)
evenworstxxx: me too.
evenworstxxx: I LOVE YOU
riezt_world: thank you =)
evenworstxxx: see u soon! =)
i should have known.
i shouldn't trust anyone. no one.
i'm too naive. idiot.
...pathetic...
no one really cares about me.
because no one really respects me.
now i know how it feels... being betrayed by someone i trusted.
lord, i never knew it would be so painful...
and full of tears...
........
rain, will you hug me tonight?
i feel so lonely here...
lying awake in an ocean of teardrops... i float away...
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